I have woken up, far too many times lately, with a pounding heart. And with no memory of a nightmare that would have caused it. Here it was again, and it was a morning I’d signed up to volunteer at my church. As I lay there trying to breathe slowly and evenly, the pounding only increased. Not again, I thought!
It seemed that the best plan was to ignore it and just start getting ready. Clothes on, makeup on, hair in a ponytail, I was ready to go. Meanwhile, pounding, pounding, pounding, to the point of discomfort. Pulling into the church parking lot, it became clear that my pounding heartbeat had beat me and won. I couldn’t take it anymore. Fear gripped me as I made my way right back out of the parking lot and headed toward the closest emergency room. A place I’d been already twice in the past year for the same exact reason.
It felt so uncontrollable, so scary, so awful. And as I write about it, my heart is once again pounding in a very uncomfortable way. It’s no less unnerving than it ever is, but it is something I am just starting to get used to and to think of as a nuisance rather than a critical situation.
All of the test results showed it was nothing but a panic attack after spending just a few hours in the ER. And once again, the benefits of counseling, medication, and meditation were explained to me. After receiving a comforting dose of Ativan, I left the hospital and spent the next several hours in a calm and peaceful sleep. When I woke up, I vowed to myself to take on the beast – whatever it was – that was wreaking so much havoc in me.
For the next several weeks, while trying to find a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist who would at least return my call, I searched for scripture verses on anxiety and panic and found so many amazing promises reminding me that Jesus is by my side through all of this. As well, I made some very deep discoveries about myself. This has been exciting – feeling the guiding hand of the Lord revealing my heart to me.
It is my prayer that these verses from God’s Holy Word will help someone, who like me, lives in fear of the next attack. Counseling is so important. (A wonderful counselor finally returned my call!) Medication has been helpful too. But the very One who created me and knows me by heart has responded to my cry for help. He will respond to you too if you just ask and put the time in to listen and respond.