I feel like it’s starting to click… like I’m beginning to understand a basic truth that has eluded me all of my life. And that basic truth is this: I am not a separate thing from God. It’s not God and me. It’s God IN me!
I live my life feeling like I need to come to Him as if He is not with me already. And so I feel that I fail Him pretty much all the time because I don’t spend enough time dedicated to a devotional quiet time. And I get all stressed out over it. Then it becomes something that feels like a chore. And I put it off. I even resent it. I procrastinate. I make excuses. And I feel like a horrible failure who cannot prioritize the most important thing of all and who is such a miserable phony!!
And then I get lost in my head wondering what is wrong with me.
I have made it so difficult when it really is so simple. He lives in me. His power lives in me. His love lives in me. He is always in me.
It finally occurred to me that I can truly rest in that reality. I can go about my day in that realization – acknowledging Him every moment – and have such peace.
I’ve been living way too many hours of my life wrong, thinking I just need to make it through the day and then get home to my Bible journaling time to get the strength, or the peace, or the understanding I’m lacking. Yes, I need to stay consistent with that time, because that’s what keeps me nourished and full of ammunition. But besides that, it’s having the real and true awareness that He is always in me.
A tangible weight is leaving me as I sit here thinking about all this.
I’m so relieved to finally understand what I’ve spent way too much time making so complicated. He lives in me. ALWAYS. When I read His word. When I talk to Him. When I take the time to listen to Him. When I go for a walk. When I sew. When I enjoy time with friends and family. When I’m at work. When I’m happy. Or sad. Or scared. And even when I’m mad.
Note to self: quit living as though you left God at home and will have to wait until you get back there in order to be with Him.