Too many times in the middle of the night I find myself awake and unable to just relax. My brain won’t quit. It’s unstoppable in its determination to keep me from sleep as it plans and prepares and worries. Fear of the known and the unknown consume me from head to toe, and I end up wishing so badly to be a kid again, able to go to bed with no worries about my safety, my future, or my needs. I long to go back to the time when I had nothing to lose sleep over. Back to when my mom and dad had me covered.
Lying in the dark, making my best attempt at becoming calm, this question often enters my mind. Why can’t I trust the Lord – my heavenly Father – to take care of me?
I think I now know why. I’m not “becoming as a little child.” I’m being a grownup who knows enough to be scared of the world… A grownup who tries very hard to be responsible and careful and prepared… A grownup who’s lost the ability to put my faith, unconditionally, like a small child, in someone who’s always taken care of me and has always planned for my well-being.
Sleep should be the easy part of each of my 24 hours. It used to be! So I’m going to practice being a little child who doesn’t spend even a second wondering if anyone is watching over me. I’m going to go to bed peaceful and content in my heart, confident that God is awake and has His eye on me now and forever. He’s got me covered.
“Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.’”
Matthew 18:2,3